Positive Thinking

It's been hard for me to write a blog entry lately. Writing about joy and faith is difficult when I have been struggling with personal issues and a serious funk. The new year, instead of bringing hope and the promise of renewal, has slammed me with sadness and an inexplicable feeling of failure. I try to be optimistic and think positive thoughts, but my personal demons drag me back down. I feel it is important to note that my testimony is very strong and my faith, though shaken, is not dimmed. However, the temptation to let the darkness win is very strong at times, to just let go and let the current take me where it will. As a normally optimistic person this is a little frightening, and probably unexpected by those around me. I just need to get these feelings written down, it won't help relieve the pain, (I wrote an earlier blog about this topic but never posted it) but maybe it will help someone else. Sometimes even doing everything we can, everything we are supposed to do, things go wrong. Sometimes life just sucks, and that's ok. Jesus didn't do anything wrong either. He did everything he was supposed to and His life was still one of pain and loneliness. Somewhere inside of me I know that I am not walking this road alone, even though I have never felt more alone. Sometimes I want to cry out, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me". I know what the response to that is, "My [child], peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." (D&C 121) Sometimes when you have reached the end of your rope all you can do is tie a knot and hold on.