Sacrifice

We talked about Sacrifice in church on Sunday. The manual started out with this statement "Sacrifice means giving to the Lord whatever He requires of our time, our earthly possessions, and our energies to further His work. The Lord commanded, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness” (Matthew 6:33). Our willingness to sacrifice is an indication of our devotion to God. People have always been tried and tested to see if they will put the things of God first in their lives." We talked of the things that people have sacrificed for what they believe: family, friends, habits, time, money, health and even life. We talked about the greatest sacrifice,
John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

It got me thinking about the things I have given up to follow the Lord. I found it very interesting the timing of the lesson. This Friday is a very special day for me. Almost 12 years ago I found myself, a starving college student without a job, pregnant. The father first talked of marriage until I found out that he was already married. The future looked very bleak. I had no job, hadn't finished school, and had told the father in no uncertain terms to stay away from me. Abortion was never an option for me. As the due date got closer I went back and forth between the options of keeping the child and placing her for adoption. Some days I felt strong and confident, others I wasn't so sure, but in the quiet nights I realized that I did not have the things a child needed. With the help of a counselor and a mentor from LDS Family Services I started looking at potential adoptive families. After much prayer and counsel I found a family that I felt very good about. I decided to meet them and after a two hour meeting I knew that they were the parents of my unborn child. I can still remember the first thing we said to them. As Mari entered the room the first thing we noticed was her crazy curly hair. My mom said, I know this is supposed to be Kiersten's interview, but I have to ask, is your hair naturally that way or do you perm it? With a tired smile Mari replied, it's natural. Little Chenoa Centauri/Reagan Elizabeth was born February 25, 2000 via emergency c-section. She had been wrapped in her umbilical cord and after 20 hours of labor her little body couldn't handle the pressure anymore and she went into distress. As a result we both had to stay in the hospital for almost a week. During that time I got to be her mom, it was hard even with all the hospital staff helping and I knew I was doing the right thing. One thing that really stood out to us was her hair, yup you guessed it, crazy curly, just like Mari's. I had one more qualification for Mike and Mari before they could have my daughter for all time. She was born with two toes fused together, not a huge deal but a birth defect none the less. I told my counselor that he was to let them know, have them look at her and if they made a face I would take her back then and there! Well, the first thing out of their mouths when they saw deformity, after the tears of course, was "Oh my gosh, that runs in Mari's family. Her brother has it and so do all his children." (They sent me pictures of the family feet) We kept in contact for a little while, I am the one that stopped writing, and everything kept pointing to the fact that I made the right choice.
Knowing it was the right thing to do has not made it easier. There are times, especially in February, that I wonder what she is doing, wonder what she looks like now, wonder if she gets as exasperated with her hair as her mother did. They told me they would tell her about me, I sometimes wonder if they have yet, what she thinks of me, if she realizes how much I love her.

Sacrifice is a gift of love to our Heavenly Father, it is hard but eventually we will see the Grace of God as we sacrifice our will to His.

Sing praise to the Lord

So last week I was asked to help the Spanish Branch create a choir for their Ward Conference in two weeks *gulp. I of course said yes, as I always do but I did wonder how I would be able to pull this all off since my choir is singing in two weeks as well *double gulp! I haven't had time for friends or other things and here I was committing myself to another responsibility that would take time.
Well an amazing thing happened from saying yes. I went home from church on Sunday and fed my daughter lunch, feeling kind of rushed. We dashed over to the Spanish Branch only to find that they were still in the middle of service. I was pretty much forced to slow down, and pay attention as my daughter asked me to translate what was being said. A friend that I have been wanting to see, but neither of our schedules have made that possible, was there and I got to spend some time with him. I saw people that I love very much but haven't seen in a while were happy to see me and our friendship is just as strong as if we were never apart. As the choir practice started I had to move people around so that they were in the right group for their voices, most of them didn't know what part they sang and listening to the voices I was able to see that some people that thought they were basses were tenors, sopranos were actually altos. As we were singing one of the songs I noticed that some of them were not singing the proper notes and one of the guys was very tense. I asked him if he was nervous and he said that he was because he didn't know the song, so learning new notes and the words was hard for him. I took what I thought would be a brief moment to reassure him. What happened next was truly amazing and I take no credit for it.
As I started to talk about the service they were performing a sweet spirit came into the room and a hush fell over the choir. I spoke of how the Lord magnifies the talents of choirs when they are singing praise to the Lord. I told them that honestly it didn't matter if they were perfect, if they hit the right notes and said the right words. I explained that the thing that mattered was that they were singing because they love God and their fellow church members. The words kept coming as I told them they would be blessed for their time and talents and that if they sang from their hearts the Lord would be pleased and that the congregation would feel their love. It was so amazing to be able to testify that the Lord loved them and that He appreciated their time and talents.
I know that is true, I have heard choirs, very talented choirs, I have even sung in a few, that were technically perfect. The music was beautiful, the harmonies amazing, but there was no heart. And I have heard choirs that messed up and yet the feeling from the song was so much more powerful than the perfect choirs. A young man played piano at church Sunday. It was pretty, he got frustrated because he messed up right at the very end of the song, but I felt such a tender sweetness as he played. It invited the spirit into the room and everyone felt it.

Psalms 98:4   

Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all the earth: make a loud noise and rejoice, and sing praise.

Psalms 95:1

O come, let us sing unto the Lord: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation.

If you will notice, it does not say "sing only if you are classically trained, only if you have perfect pitch". It says make a joyful NOISE!! It doesn't matter what our training is, what our voice sounds like, what matters is that we rejoice and sing praise. What matters is that we sing from our hearts in gratitude and love!

Awake, my soul, to joyful lays

My friend Elder Bevan had a blog titled Awake my soul, it was about turning away from sin and it made me think of this song. It's been stuck in my head all day now so I thought I would share it with you all.


Awake, my soul, to joyful lays,
and sing thy great Redeemers praise;
he justly claims a song from me -
his loving kindness, O how free!

He saw me ruined in the fall,
yet loved me notwithstanding all;
he saved me from my lost estate -
his loving kindness, O how great!

Though numerous hosts of mighty foes,
though earth and hell my way oppose,
he safely leads my soul along -
his loving kindness, O how strong!

When trouble, like a gloomy cloud,
has gathered thick and thundered loud,
he near my soul has always stood -
his loving kindness, O how good!

Often I feel my sinful heart
prone from my Jesus to depart;
but though I have him oft forgot,
his loving kindness changes not.

Soon I shall pass the gloomy vale,
soon all my mortal powers must fail;
O may my last expiring breath
his loving kindness sing in death.

Then let me mount and soar away
to the bright world of endless day;
and sing with raptures and surprise,
his loving kindness in the skies.
Samuel Medley (1738-1799)

Looking beyond ourselves

So, lately I have been trying to get out of this gray funk that I've been in. I found myself wallowing in self pity and despair. I was in a grumpy mood at work and my dear co-worker sent me an e-mail asking me how I was doing and why I seemed down. I told him and then asked him how he was doing. He responded that he was doing ok, but that his friend had died that weekend so he was still dealing with those emotions. Wow! He is going through this big thing and I didn't even notice that he was down. Even in his own pain he noticed mine. So today I tried to look past myself, to do things for other people and guess what? I have been in a better mood today than I have been in the past week. I know, I know, I should have done that sooner but to be completely honest I was being selfish and wanted the world to revolve around me for just a moment. It really sucked, to be that selfish. Nothing got better, I didn't feel good about myself and even when people tried to cheer me up I just got more annoyed. It took me stepping outside of myself and doing something for someone else for me to feel better. So while I can't guarantee that I will always do that, I am going to try to remember that by serving others, I am serving God and the rewards for serving Him are joy and peace.

So do you want happiness in your life? The way to get it is to look beyond yourself and help someone else. Try it, I know it works :)

You know what else works? Reading my friend's blog.