Friday, May 27, 2011

I will wait on the Lord


There is a movie that I absolutely love called The Testaments: Of one fold and one Shepherd. It is a story of a family in the ancient Americas and what happens in their lives as the Savior is going about his ministry in Israel. There is a scene where the father of the family is testifying at a trial. He says, "I have waited for the Messiah my whole life, and I will wait a while longer." That thought has been running through my mind a lot today. Being the nerdy self I am I decided to look up "wait on the Lord" in the scriptures. There are over 40 scriptures that have that combination of words. So then I got to thinking, what does it mean to wait on the Lord? In the index one of the other words to look at was "watch". There are about another 20 scriptures that talk about watching for the Lord. As I was reading the verses that came up in my search I noticed a theme. The world was clamoring for attention, sometimes calling the people waiting foolish. Sometimes there were outright attacks on the people waiting or watching for the Lord. These people were faithful, sure sometimes they messed up, but they always repented and continued the watch.
I look at my life, it isn't quite what I would like it to be, and I mess up more than I would like to admit, but every time I repent and return to the wait, life is better. There are time when the enemy of my soul tries to get me to think that the Lord has forgotten me or forgotten His promises to me. In fact, a situation like that came up for me late last week and into the early part of this week. I had serious doubts about the path I was on. But then, like He always does, the Lord parted the clouds and helped me see that He is always there.
I am not a patient person in general, so waiting is not really my strong point and Satan knows that very well. We live in an instant gratification society, we have on demand movies, we have high speed internet, instant messaging, instant soup, fast food. And still the Lord asks us to wait. Waiting is hard, but it teaches us discipline, it really helps teach and reinforce faith.
So like Helam in the movie, and people in the scriptures, I will wait on the Lord. And when I mess up and get impatient I will use the wonderful gift of the atonement to repent and start fresh.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Joys of the Gospel


I was talking to my friend this morning. We are both very happy after having wonderful weekends. We were reflecting back on the stressful weeks that we have had recently and how much we needed the weekends that we had.
Our conversation went something like this:
Me - I'm gonna be grinning for days. I am happy even though it's Monday lol
How's your day going?
Her - It’s great!!! I’m super happy today
Me - We deserve great days
I am glad you are happy
Her - for some reason I can’t stop smiling either
I think cuz the weekend was great
and I help you and god is awesome
and I love you and him
Me - I love you both so very much too
God is awesome, I agree!!
Waiting is so hard but God sure knows how to make it really worth it

So what was so great about the weekend? Let me tell you...
Friday night I left work, took my daughter for a sleepover and headed to my friend Jeff's house. Jeff is practically part of our family. He was my brothers best man at his wedding and he is dating my dear friend Pamela. They are planning a trip to Disneyland so as a way to raise money he was offering an hour long massage for only $30. As he was giving me the massage we talked, it was really nice because I have had so much stress lately so to have the physical knots worked out while we caught up was great. Afterwards I went home and talked to a dear friend online for a little bit and watched movies with my roommate. I went to bed and slept soundly for the first time in forever. I woke up early and alert and got ready to go to the Temple in Oakland with my sister. I drove and we had a great drive talking and laughing with each other. I took the wrong freeway in that confusing tangle of on and off-ramps and we ended up getting a little lost. However we arrived just in time for the 10 AM session. We each had specific things on our minds when we went, and I felt like we got answers meant just for us. It was so nice to leave the hustle and bustle of the world behind and just focus on our relationship with God. We left there too soon, it's always too soon to go back into the world :/ I had to get some things for Sunday and pick up my child. We were told to wear solid color tops for the choir, and no black or white. I picked out a purple shirt but had to buy purple ribbon to put on my skirt because that is the goofy kind of thing I do. I have this great black skirt that I love, and I decided one day to run a bright ribbon through the hem of it and color coordinate it with whatever top I happened to be wearing. It always looks really cute and since this was kind of a big deal I thought it would be perfect. My sister was generous enough to take me out to lunch and then we went shopping. Normally when I go to the temple, as soon as I come out Satan bombards me with negativity. The tender mercies of the Lord were very apparent to me as my peace and calmness lasted all the rest of the day. I picked up my daughter and went home to put together my skirt. As I was doing that the Sister missionaries called me to let me know that the baptism they wanted me to sing at was on Sunday at 2 and that they had a piano player for me. They let me know that there was also a baptism that night for two boys I have known since they were born. We went and were pleased to see a friend who we haven't seen for a few weeks. He was here for the conference and had been translating that day and would be translating again at the conference. I was asked to conduct the music which I was more than happy to do. The baptism was really nice and afterwards we mingled and caught up with various people that we haven't seen in a while. When I got home and started sewing my friend called me and asked if they could come visit us. We talked about what was going on in life and she invited me over to stay the night at her house, that way the girls could have a sleepover and she would do my hair and make-up for the conference. We ended up staying up until 1 AM talking and painting our nails and giggling, it felt like being a carefree teenager again. The next morning we got up and she made me pretty :)
Conference was pretty much amazing. After the choir practiced our songs I went to visit with the missionaries while we waited for choir to start. As I was standing with them the General Authorities came out of the Stake Presidents office and shook every ones hands. I shook hands with Elder Packer, our area 70, Elder Ardern from the 1st quorum of the 70 (who is from New Zealand and has an awesome accent) and Elder Andersen of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles and his lovely wife. I noticed my friend Michael hovering around and I wondered if they had asked him to do security. I'll get back to that a little later.
The choir started the conference by singing Teach me to walk in the Light, accompanied by a small children's quartet.
Our stake president, President Bingham was the first speaker. Several weeks ago I had been talking to my father about how I felt that I would not receive the blessings the Lord had promised me because I had screwed up in my past. He assured me that the Lord always keeps his promises as long as we are being righteous. President Bingham talked about how we should strive to be consecrated members of the Lord's church, not just active members. Then he said, It is never too late to become what you should have been. I felt peace at that statement, I didn't need to worry about my past, I could still become the woman I wanted to be as a young girl.
Elder Ardern spoke next. He talked about his lovely wife. He spoke about dating her when he was a teenager and when he was talking about marriage, she spoke of missions. He encouraged us to become the missionaries the Lord expects us to be. He especially encouraged young women to encourage the young men in their lives just as his wife had for him. He talked about the example she set of daily scripture study and prayer and how blessed his family was for her example. He talked of marriage and that successful marriages take work. He said, "young women, one day a young man will ask you to marry him. You might think it will never happen, it will." I was thinking of my sister at this point, knowing that she needed to hear this as she has been feeling somewhat discouraged lately. She told me later that night that when he said those words he was looking right at her.
Elder Packer spoke, and he also talked of his wife and how she set the example in his home. He talked about families that had amazing missionary experiences and that the reason they had such wonderful experiences is because they prayed daily to have those experiences. He encouraged us to do the same thing.
Then President Bingham put some people on the spot. He asked three women to come and bare their testimonies. One was a grandma, one was 40-50 something and one was a teenager. they were all humbled and honored to be able to bear their testimonies. The teenager said something that really struck me. She said - The Lord will always find a way for you.
We stood as a congregation and sang, Now let us Rejoice.
Then Sister Andersen got up to speak. She gave a really good talk but it was something that happened just before she spoke that really touched me. Sister Andersen is a very petite lady, she reminds me of a delicate tiny bird. Elder Andersen walked with her to the pulpit and adjusted the microphone for her. It was a little thing, she could have done it for herself, but the look on his face as he did it showed how much he truly loved his wife. The love in his face told me that she is the thing he treasures the most in this world. She spoke of a time when her children were young, about 25 years ago. I believe she said they had 5 kids. She had just received the conference issue of the issue and wanted each child to have their own copy of the talks to read. 15 talks multiplied by the number in her family quickly added up. When she went to pay she was told that the total was $50. She had a brief moment of her heart plummeting at the thought of so much money. Then she had a moment of quiet inspiration, the Spirit asked, "what is it worth to you to have the words of God's prophets for you and your family?" That sentence touched me and I realized, as she had, that there is no price to great. The words of the prophets lead to happiness and eternal life.
Elder Andersen then got up to speak. He is not very tall, about 5'7" max, but the spiritual stature was obvious. He spoke of being an instrument in the Lord's hands.  He told a story of a farmer and his neighbor. The neighbor worked on his farm everyday of the week. The farmer took Sundays off to go to church and do other things to keep the Sabbath day holy. The neighbor asked him why he did that and the farmer replied that the Lord would bless him for keeping the commandments. October came and the two men were talking at the fence. The neighbor pointed out that his crop was beautiful and full and that the farmers showed the signs of it's weekly neglect. He then asked where the Lord's blessings were. the farmer thought a moment and then looked at his neighbor and said, "friend, the Lord does not balance his books in October." This was another reminder to me of the promises the Lord has made to me. Elder Andersen asked us to be sensitive to the feelings we feel, the whisperings of the Spirit. He said never delay a prompting. He said that  the Lord would bless our every effort. As I was thinking about the promptings I have received and how would I ever be able to do  them, I must confess I didn't really listen to Elder Andersen. My mind was caught up in the promptings I had received and my private fears. Suddenly Elder Andersen's voice cut through the fog in my mind with power and great authority, "Be not afraid, only believe!" Wow, I sat up straight. I know he didn't say that any differently than the rest of his talk because no one else jumped to attention like I did. I knew that that sentence had been meant for me.
So the personalized message I got from the conference was, "Don't delay promptings, be not afraid, only believe, the Lord will find a way for you."
The choir closed by singing I know that my Redeemer Lives. Singing my testimony in a packed building with the servants of the Lord I was very touched and almost cried.
Afterwards they greeted the people and took time for each child. They shook my daughter's hand, asked her name and talked to her for a little bit. The Lord has said that we must become as little children, and these men showed great respect and love to the little children.
We went to my parents house and had lunch with the Elders and then went to a baptism. I sang there as well, it was much more intimate with just over a dozen people there. It was actually more nerve wracking for me, don't ask why. It was humbling and a very tender spirit was there. I was very pleased that my step-son went to it and actually ended up translating for a man that didn't speak spanish.
Some other spiritual but personal things happened that evening. Showing me that even in the little things the Lord is aware of me.
Now back to Michael, he is a large imposing man. He is over 6 feet tall and at least 300 pounds. He was raised in the church but got into trouble and was excommunicated. He was recently re-baptized. He has been in jail and has that swagger that says don't mess with me. Trust me, if you are in a fight you really want to be on his side. His daughter is a little older than my daughter and we go over every Monday night and have Family Home Evening with him, his wife and daughter. I usually do the lesson but he wanted to this time. He started out by talking about conference and asking us what our favorite talks were. The girls didn't say much, but I talked about the above mentioned things and his wife talked about her favorite parts. He then told us of his experience. He had been out in the hall when President Bingham asked him to come into the office. Elder Packer asked him his name and then invited him to be the security for Elder Andersen. He said yes and was then introduced to Elder Andersen. He told us that when he touched his hand he got such a strong impression from the spirit, letting him know that this was an apostle of the Lord, chosen by God. He told them that if it was necessary he would die for them. He talked about how he walked around the building just making sure everything was ok. Once conference was over he was once again right at Elder Andersens side. He was witness to some things that truly touched him. Especially how they all took time for the children, just as the Savior had. One child in particular, a little girl from our congregation has had many health issues and she is back in a wheelchair due to issues with her legs. Michael told us that Elder Andersen got on his hands and knees to talk to this little girl. He then took her into the stake president's office where she received a priesthood blessing from an Apostle of the Lord. He wasn't in there for the blessing as he was standing at the door making sure that they weren't interrupted, but he said he felt the Spirit so strongly he couldn't help but cry. Telling us the story his voice got hushed with emotion and he began to cry again. To see this giant bear of a man moved was again very humbling.
As I thought about his testimony and the strong impressions he got from just a handshake, I wondered why I hadn't gotten such an impression when I met Elder Andersen. As I was pondering this, a sweet gentle thought came into my mind, "You didn't get that impression because you already knew. Your questions were not about if, they were about how. And you cannot deny that the impressions you got in response to those questions were just as strong and poignant." The Lord truly does know us and what we need, what our secret prayers and hurts are. He had an answer for everyone that went to conference with a sincere heart and in humility. I want to close my blog the same way we closed conference. I know that my Redeemer lives. I know He knows me personally. I know He loves me!
I know that my Redeemer lives;
What comfort this sweet sentence gives!
He lives, He lives, who once was dead;
He lives, my ever living Head.

He lives to bless me with His love,
He lives to plead for me above.
He lives my hungry soul to feed,
He lives to help in time of need.

He lives to grant me rich supply,
He lives to guide me with His eye,
He lives to comfort me when faint,
He lives to hear my soul’s complaint.

He lives to silence all my fears,
He lives to wipe away my tears
He lives to calm my troubled heart,
He lives all blessings to impart.

He lives, my kind, wise, heavenly Friend,
He lives and loves me to the end;
He lives, and while He lives, I’ll sing;
He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King.

He lives and grants me daily breath;
He lives, and I shall conquer death:
He lives my mansion to prepare;
He lives to bring me safely there.

He lives, all glory to His Name!
He lives, my Jesus, still the same.
Oh, the sweet joy this sentence gives,
I know that my Redeemer lives


Thursday, May 5, 2011

True Love

John 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Love - Webster's Dictionary describes it like this (1) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests. I personally prefer this definition : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.
Love is a word that is so easily thrown around. "I love those shoes", "I love chocolate", " I love Stefan Salvatore (Vampire for those not in the know)" Yes I have actually said all three of those sentences, the first two multiple times. But would I give my life for those things? Well some of my friends say that I risk my life every time I wear my stilettos, but that's not what I mean. Chocolate, no, I wouldn't die for chocolate. And a fictional character, no matter how cute the actor, isn't enough to make me offer my life.
There are certain people that I would be willing to die for, my daughter pops into my mind as the topmost person.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
I think of these two scriptures together and a new definition of love comes to my mind, an eternal meaning. The topical guide has as some of it's meanings: compassion, mercy of God. The first scripture talks about laying down ones life for friends. Jesus Christ laid down his life for every single person ever born, or that ever will be born. That means that no one else that has ever lived here loves us more. It also means that He considers all of us his friends. That brings an interesting question to my mind, What kind of friend have we been to Jesus? Have we praised him as we should, or have we talked about him behind his back? Have we offered all that we can for him as we would our other friends? It goes beyond how we treat our friends though. How do we treat strangers? Are we kind, are we charitable to others in "lower" situations? Do we help those who are difficult to love?
Matthew 25:40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

I look at the two men who love us more than we can comprehend. God gave his son that we might have life more abundantly. Allowing our hearts to love opens us up to pain, as a mom I can tell you that no pain is greater than seeing your child suffer. My heart was torn to shreds recently, my daughter was being bullied at school. I felt angry, somewhat helpless and so much pain to see her little heart being broken. I can't even begin to imagine what our Heavenly Father went through as he watched His Beloved and Perfect Son go through all He went through so that we could be saved. Even knowing what must happen I am certain that God wasn't fully prepared for the pain He would feel at watching his children hurt and kill his Only Begotten. I am grateful to both of them for going through what they went through, for showing me what true love looks like.
I strive to love others that way, I know I fail, I am not perfect, but fortunately I have a forgiving Savior who helps me back onto the path of true discipleship, the path of true love. I try to remember that the people that are hard to love are still children of our Heavenly Father, that Jesus died for them just as He died for me.

I invite you to accept this gift of Love that Christ has offered to us. Learn of Him, for He is mighty to save. If you don't know how or where to start just ask me, I would be more than happy to help you.

John 15:15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.