I have been thinking about the things I know and believe lately. There are people that say with all the bad things happening in the world there can't be a god because an all powerful god would not allow such things to happen.
So why do I have such a strong conviction that there is a God? Because I have seen His hand in my life. I was in a really bad situation once, one that I couldn't get out of by myself. I was quite literally a prisoner to someone elses bad choices. I prayed a lot during that time. It was very hard, but every day I felt strength and encouragement and was able to make it through that day. One day I reached the end of my strength, I prayed for a way out and the very next day the first in a series of miracles happened. Miracles that got me out of a foreign country and back to the loving arms of my parents. There were times when I felt an assurance and sense of peace that came from outside of myself. At those times I knew that God had sent His angels to watch over me. As I strive to do things that are right I see changes in my life. Changes that bring me great happiness, changes that make my life and my daughter's life better.
So why do bad things happen to people? The Lord, as much as it pains Him, allows us to decide for ourselves if we want to believe in Him and follow His commandments. He even allows other people to hurt us, is that is their choice. The devil would have us believe that God is powerless and that is why he does nothing. The devil is a cunning liar. Someday there will be an accounting of all the actions that we have done. It's hard sometimes to turn over the hurt and the anger to the Lord. There are times when I would like to see bad people punished for what they have done, but the Lord has told us that vengeance is His and He will repay.
My dad is awesome, when I have to make a choice, whether is be getting a new car, moving or getting a new job, my dad will talk to me, give me his advice and opinion and then back off and let me make the decision myself. Sure I have gone contrary to his advice, I have disappointed him, but every time I need him, he is there. God is our Heavenly Father, He loves us very much. And even when we disappoint Him, He will always be there when we turn to Him. Just like any parent at some point has to let go and let their children make their own mistakes, so God lets go and allows us to make our own choices, it is because He loves and trusts us enough to make the right choice. Even when we do mess up, He is there offering forgiveness and redemption.
I know that God lives, I know He loves me. I know that if I turn to Him, amid the chaos and sadness of this life, I can have peace. I can have joy even when things go wrong. It also helps me be more kind to others, knowing that they are precious to God. I wish I could help everyone understand that. Maybe once we start loving everyone else as they truly are, as children of God, we will have world peace.
To you, my reader, I want you to know that I love you. I know who you truly are. You are a child of a loving and merciful God. He loves you more than you can comprehend. If you do not have this knowledge for yourself I invite you to seek Him out, for He is eager to have you talk to Him. If you do not know how to do that, just ask me. I would be happy to help you. He is the source of all good and of true happiness.
♫ I know He lives. I will follow faithfully. My heart I give to Him. I know my Heavenly Father loves me! ♫
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Placentero Nos es Trabajar
I just sang a song this past Sunday called Placentero Nos es Trabajar. I sang it with the missionaries at my church, on of whom gets off her mission today and goes back home. It is a beautiful song and was a moving experience for me. The story behind it is pretty amazing. Here are the lyrics, in Spanish and a rough translation into English (there is an English song called In the Sweet by and by, that this melody was taken from)
It is pleasant for us to work
In the vineyard of the great God Jesus
And honorable for us to to preach
To His people, His law and His light.
By His light, by His light,
It is pleasant for us to work.
By His light, by His light,
We will die in Him without sadness.
Hear the Word of God
With eagerness, loyalty and fervor.
Forever and always remember
His purity, truth, and love.
With love, with love,
Hear the Word of God.
With love, with love,
Bear the flag of God.
Oh, brothers! Good-by, then Good-bye!
The moment to leave has come.
If we keep the faith in the great God,
We will yet see each other far Beyond.
Far Beyond, far Beyond,
O, brothers! Good-by, then Good-by!
Far Beyond, far Beyond,
We will live with God in love.
Clate W. Mask, Jr., of the Second Quorum of the Seventy, loves to tell how his grandfather, Andrés C. González, came to write this song. The story goes like this:
Andrés C. González was a schoolmaster’s son, and was one of the first called to serve a mission in Mexico City during the revolutionary era. Preaching on a street corner, he and his companion thought they could attract more attention by singing the popular Protestant hymn, “In the Sweet By and By.” Instead, they attracted the attention of the police, who jailed them for “stealing” the Protestants’ song.
Unable to sleep in the jail, Elder González wrote “Mormon” lyrics to the song. Back on the street corner after being released, the Elders sang “Placentero,” with the new words. The police were ready to haul them back to jail, but Elder Gonzalez exclaimed, "You can't take us to jail. It's not the same song."
Another time, federal soldiers accused him and his companion of being spies and threatened to shoot them on the spot. Convinced they were about to die, Elder González took a lesson from the great Book of Mormon missionary, Abinadi. Remembering how Abinadi gained his reprieve so he could preach to the King, Elder González told the federales, “You can’t kill us yet, we have a message for your Presidente which we have not yet delivered.”
The soldiers were sceptical, but eventually took Elder González to see the President of Mexico. On learning Elder González’ identity, the Presidente told him, “Your father was my favorite teacher.” He and his companion gave the president a Book of Mormon and taught him for two hours. He pardoned the two missionaries, and at Elder González’ request, proclaimed that the Mormons could preach the Gospel freely throughout Mexico without harassment. This was the beginning of the hugely successful LDS missionary movement in Mexico.
In those days, teaching the gospel there was extremely difficult. Today there are 12 temples and 199 stakes in Mexico.
I think of the last blog I wrote, about Esther, and this one about Elder González. Both of them risked their lives for the truth. There are many stories about martyrs as well. Brave men and women. Sometimes I think I must not be brave because I have never been asked to face death for the Lord, but then I realize that sometimes living for God is a greater challenge. I do not have to stand in front of a firing squad, but I am still out there, facing a world where morality is out of fashion. Religion has been called a crutch for the feeble minded, if you claim to believe in a god, people call you superstitious or uneducated. I am not superstitious, I walk under ladders, have broken more mirrors than I can recall and love black cats. I am also not uneducated. I have a couple years of college to my credit plus lessons learned in the school of hard knocks. The more I learn, the more I realize that I really need God in my life. Sometimes it is a little scary to stand up in front of a group of people I don't know and talk about my belief in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, but I know that They are real. I know that if we let Them work in our lives, we will be better people for it. I will end this particular post with some scriptures from some of my most favorite missionaries of all time Ammon and Alma. Alma 26 is Ammon speaking and Alma 29 is Alma :)
Alma 26: 8 Blessed be the name of our God; let us sing to his praise, yea, let us give thanks to his holy name, for he doth work righteousness forever... I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.
1. Placentero nos es trabajar en la viña del gran Rey Jesús, y honroso nos es predicar a Su pueblo, Su ley y Su Luz. Por Su luz, por Su luz, placentero nos es trabajar. Por Su luz, por Su luz, moriremos en El sin pesar.
2. La palabra de Dios escuchad con ahínco, lealtad, y fervor. Para siempre jamás recordad Su pureza, verdad, y amor. Con amor, con amor, la palabra de Dios escuchad. Con amor, con amor, la bandera de Dios empuñad.
3. ¡Oh hermanos, adiós, pues, adiós! El momento de ir vino ya. Si guardamos la fe en el gran Dios, nos veremos aun más allá, Más allá, más allá, ¡Oh hermanos, adios, pues adios! Más allá, más allá, moraremos con Dios en amor.
It is pleasant for us to work
In the vineyard of the great God Jesus
And honorable for us to to preach
To His people, His law and His light.
By His light, by His light,
It is pleasant for us to work.
By His light, by His light,
We will die in Him without sadness.
Hear the Word of God
With eagerness, loyalty and fervor.
Forever and always remember
His purity, truth, and love.
With love, with love,
Hear the Word of God.
With love, with love,
Bear the flag of God.
Oh, brothers! Good-by, then Good-bye!
The moment to leave has come.
If we keep the faith in the great God,
We will yet see each other far Beyond.
Far Beyond, far Beyond,
O, brothers! Good-by, then Good-by!
Far Beyond, far Beyond,
We will live with God in love.
Clate W. Mask, Jr., of the Second Quorum of the Seventy, loves to tell how his grandfather, Andrés C. González, came to write this song. The story goes like this:
Andrés C. González was a schoolmaster’s son, and was one of the first called to serve a mission in Mexico City during the revolutionary era. Preaching on a street corner, he and his companion thought they could attract more attention by singing the popular Protestant hymn, “In the Sweet By and By.” Instead, they attracted the attention of the police, who jailed them for “stealing” the Protestants’ song.
Unable to sleep in the jail, Elder González wrote “Mormon” lyrics to the song. Back on the street corner after being released, the Elders sang “Placentero,” with the new words. The police were ready to haul them back to jail, but Elder Gonzalez exclaimed, "You can't take us to jail. It's not the same song."
Another time, federal soldiers accused him and his companion of being spies and threatened to shoot them on the spot. Convinced they were about to die, Elder González took a lesson from the great Book of Mormon missionary, Abinadi. Remembering how Abinadi gained his reprieve so he could preach to the King, Elder González told the federales, “You can’t kill us yet, we have a message for your Presidente which we have not yet delivered.”
The soldiers were sceptical, but eventually took Elder González to see the President of Mexico. On learning Elder González’ identity, the Presidente told him, “Your father was my favorite teacher.” He and his companion gave the president a Book of Mormon and taught him for two hours. He pardoned the two missionaries, and at Elder González’ request, proclaimed that the Mormons could preach the Gospel freely throughout Mexico without harassment. This was the beginning of the hugely successful LDS missionary movement in Mexico.
In those days, teaching the gospel there was extremely difficult. Today there are 12 temples and 199 stakes in Mexico.
I think of the last blog I wrote, about Esther, and this one about Elder González. Both of them risked their lives for the truth. There are many stories about martyrs as well. Brave men and women. Sometimes I think I must not be brave because I have never been asked to face death for the Lord, but then I realize that sometimes living for God is a greater challenge. I do not have to stand in front of a firing squad, but I am still out there, facing a world where morality is out of fashion. Religion has been called a crutch for the feeble minded, if you claim to believe in a god, people call you superstitious or uneducated. I am not superstitious, I walk under ladders, have broken more mirrors than I can recall and love black cats. I am also not uneducated. I have a couple years of college to my credit plus lessons learned in the school of hard knocks. The more I learn, the more I realize that I really need God in my life. Sometimes it is a little scary to stand up in front of a group of people I don't know and talk about my belief in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, but I know that They are real. I know that if we let Them work in our lives, we will be better people for it. I will end this particular post with some scriptures from some of my most favorite missionaries of all time Ammon and Alma. Alma 26 is Ammon speaking and Alma 29 is Alma :)
Alma 26: 8 Blessed be the name of our God; let us sing to his praise, yea, let us give thanks to his holy name, for he doth work righteousness forever... I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.
12Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.
14Yea, we have reason to praise him forever, for he is the Most High God, and has loosed [us] from the chains of hell.
16Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel.
Alma 29: 1 O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
And if I perish, I perish
I love the story of Esther, as an incurable romantic what's not to love? You have a beautiful queen, a cunning villain, a noble king and a righteous prophet/scribe. There is adventure, romance, palace intrigue, danger, murder plots and revenge. It reads almost like a Hollywood movie, but it is a true story. As has always been the case throughout history, the Jews had enemies, people that wanted to destroy the Covenant people of God. This time it happened to be in Persia. The King had a beautiful wife and after several days of partying he sent for her. Now the queen refused to come, we aren't really told why. The king being angry appealed to the princes and was told that law decreed that she be relieved of her crown. A proclamation was sent out that all virgins would be brought to the palace where after a year of purification the king would see them for a night and then decide if he wanted her to be the queen.
For Hadassah, a Jewish orphan raised by her father's nephew, it must have been a time of excitement and also fear. There must have been doubts in her mind as she wondered how she would live Jewish law in the palace. After the one night with the king, all the women were sent to the second house of women only to see the king if he called for her, so pretty much all the girls that were rounded up became concubines. Mordecai charged her to not reveal that she was a Jew, so when she was picked up she went by the Persian name Esther. She kept the law in her heart. She was very beautiful but very kind and soon won over the hearts of the people she was with on a daily basis, much like Joseph who was sold into Egypt. When the time came for the one night with the king, the candidates were allowed to take whatever they wanted to adorn themselves, jewelry, clothing etc. Esther in a very wise move asked the head chamberlain for advice and went before the king with only the things Hegai recommended.
Esther was chosen to be the new queen and the kingdom celebrated. Several more interesting things happen which lead up to an extermination order being sent out against the Jews by Haman, an Agagite - long-time enemies of the Jews on account of the Jews pretty much destroying their people and culture.
Esther was asked by her Uncle to go before the king. She responded that he hadn't called for her in over a month and that to go before the king unasked for could result in death. It all really depended on the mood of the king. If he raised his golden scepter the "offender" was allowed to live and approach him, if he didn't the person quickly lost their head.
13 Then Mordecai commanded to answer Esther, Think not with thyself that thou shalt escape in the king’s house, more than all the Jews.
For Hadassah, a Jewish orphan raised by her father's nephew, it must have been a time of excitement and also fear. There must have been doubts in her mind as she wondered how she would live Jewish law in the palace. After the one night with the king, all the women were sent to the second house of women only to see the king if he called for her, so pretty much all the girls that were rounded up became concubines. Mordecai charged her to not reveal that she was a Jew, so when she was picked up she went by the Persian name Esther. She kept the law in her heart. She was very beautiful but very kind and soon won over the hearts of the people she was with on a daily basis, much like Joseph who was sold into Egypt. When the time came for the one night with the king, the candidates were allowed to take whatever they wanted to adorn themselves, jewelry, clothing etc. Esther in a very wise move asked the head chamberlain for advice and went before the king with only the things Hegai recommended.
Esther was chosen to be the new queen and the kingdom celebrated. Several more interesting things happen which lead up to an extermination order being sent out against the Jews by Haman, an Agagite - long-time enemies of the Jews on account of the Jews pretty much destroying their people and culture.
Esther was asked by her Uncle to go before the king. She responded that he hadn't called for her in over a month and that to go before the king unasked for could result in death. It all really depended on the mood of the king. If he raised his golden scepter the "offender" was allowed to live and approach him, if he didn't the person quickly lost their head.
13 Then Mordecai commanded to answer Esther, Think not with thyself that thou shalt escape in the king’s house, more than all the Jews.
14 For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, then shall there enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place; but thou and thy father’s house shall be destroyed: and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?
15 Then Esther bade them return Mordecai this answer,
16 Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast ye for me, and neither eat nor drink three days, night or day: I also and my maidens will fast likewise; and so will I go in unto the king, which is not according to the law: and if I perish, I perish.
Esther had to choose between two deaths. The physical death that would come if the king was displeased with her, or the spiritual death that would come if she did not speak up for what she knew was right. Esther does go before the king and he raises his scepter and agrees to have dinner with her in her chambers. Haman is invited as well and feels pretty proud of being invited to a dinner with just the royal couple. His pride turned to sorrow when he realized that Esther was not Esther the Persian, but Hadassah the Jew. The Jews were given permission to fight back and take the property of their attackers and Haman and his 10 sons were all killed.
I own a movie called "One night with the King". It is a fictionalized version of the story of Esther. I really like the scene where she confronts Haman before the king. She stands and says that she is not Esther, but Hadassah. "Hadassah Bat-Abihail, daughter of the tribe of Benjamin, child of the Most High God!" I love the calm confidence she has as she states who she is. She knows where she came from, and when you know that you can be confidant about where you are going.
Esther is my heroine for multiple reasons. She consistently followed her priesthood leader in all things he directed her. When faced with a serious situation she asked for prayers and fasts on her behalf and also did those things herself. She was beautiful but didn't use that as an excuse to be mean or petty.
Her statement, "If I perish, I perish" to me shows her reliance on the Lord. She knew it was a definite possibility, and yet she still did what was right. It would have been easy to hide, to continue to be Esther, queen of Persia. She took the harder path and is still to this day honored among Jews.
We don't always know why we are put in the situations we are put in. Mordecai was wise in saying "who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" We need to be examples wherever we are. We may not save a nation, but we never know. I hope that I can be like her, that when my turn comes to stand before the world to declare who I am, I can say with the same confidence, "I am Kiersten, daughter of the Tribe of Joseph, child of the Most High God!"
Esther had to choose between two deaths. The physical death that would come if the king was displeased with her, or the spiritual death that would come if she did not speak up for what she knew was right. Esther does go before the king and he raises his scepter and agrees to have dinner with her in her chambers. Haman is invited as well and feels pretty proud of being invited to a dinner with just the royal couple. His pride turned to sorrow when he realized that Esther was not Esther the Persian, but Hadassah the Jew. The Jews were given permission to fight back and take the property of their attackers and Haman and his 10 sons were all killed.
I own a movie called "One night with the King". It is a fictionalized version of the story of Esther. I really like the scene where she confronts Haman before the king. She stands and says that she is not Esther, but Hadassah. "Hadassah Bat-Abihail, daughter of the tribe of Benjamin, child of the Most High God!" I love the calm confidence she has as she states who she is. She knows where she came from, and when you know that you can be confidant about where you are going.
Esther is my heroine for multiple reasons. She consistently followed her priesthood leader in all things he directed her. When faced with a serious situation she asked for prayers and fasts on her behalf and also did those things herself. She was beautiful but didn't use that as an excuse to be mean or petty.
Her statement, "If I perish, I perish" to me shows her reliance on the Lord. She knew it was a definite possibility, and yet she still did what was right. It would have been easy to hide, to continue to be Esther, queen of Persia. She took the harder path and is still to this day honored among Jews.
We don't always know why we are put in the situations we are put in. Mordecai was wise in saying "who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" We need to be examples wherever we are. We may not save a nation, but we never know. I hope that I can be like her, that when my turn comes to stand before the world to declare who I am, I can say with the same confidence, "I am Kiersten, daughter of the Tribe of Joseph, child of the Most High God!"
Friday, May 27, 2011
I will wait on the Lord
There is a movie that I absolutely love called The Testaments: Of one fold and one Shepherd. It is a story of a family in the ancient Americas and what happens in their lives as the Savior is going about his ministry in Israel. There is a scene where the father of the family is testifying at a trial. He says, "I have waited for the Messiah my whole life, and I will wait a while longer." That thought has been running through my mind a lot today. Being the nerdy self I am I decided to look up "wait on the Lord" in the scriptures. There are over 40 scriptures that have that combination of words. So then I got to thinking, what does it mean to wait on the Lord? In the index one of the other words to look at was "watch". There are about another 20 scriptures that talk about watching for the Lord. As I was reading the verses that came up in my search I noticed a theme. The world was clamoring for attention, sometimes calling the people waiting foolish. Sometimes there were outright attacks on the people waiting or watching for the Lord. These people were faithful, sure sometimes they messed up, but they always repented and continued the watch.
I look at my life, it isn't quite what I would like it to be, and I mess up more than I would like to admit, but every time I repent and return to the wait, life is better. There are time when the enemy of my soul tries to get me to think that the Lord has forgotten me or forgotten His promises to me. In fact, a situation like that came up for me late last week and into the early part of this week. I had serious doubts about the path I was on. But then, like He always does, the Lord parted the clouds and helped me see that He is always there. I am not a patient person in general, so waiting is not really my strong point and Satan knows that very well. We live in an instant gratification society, we have on demand movies, we have high speed internet, instant messaging, instant soup, fast food. And still the Lord asks us to wait. Waiting is hard, but it teaches us discipline, it really helps teach and reinforce faith.
So like Helam in the movie, and people in the scriptures, I will wait on the Lord. And when I mess up and get impatient I will use the wonderful gift of the atonement to repent and start fresh.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
The Joys of the Gospel
I was talking to my friend this morning. We are both very happy after having wonderful weekends. We were reflecting back on the stressful weeks that we have had recently and how much we needed the weekends that we had.
Our conversation went something like this:
Me - I'm gonna be grinning for days. I am happy even though it's Monday lol
How's your day going?
Her - It’s great!!! I’m super happy today
Me - We deserve great days
I am glad you are happy
Her - for some reason I can’t stop smiling either
I think cuz the weekend was great
and I help you and god is awesome
and I love you and him
Me - I love you both so very much too
God is awesome, I agree!!
Waiting is so hard but God sure knows how to make it really worth it
So what was so great about the weekend? Let me tell you...
Friday night I left work, took my daughter for a sleepover and headed to my friend Jeff's house. Jeff is practically part of our family. He was my brothers best man at his wedding and he is dating my dear friend Pamela. They are planning a trip to Disneyland so as a way to raise money he was offering an hour long massage for only $30. As he was giving me the massage we talked, it was really nice because I have had so much stress lately so to have the physical knots worked out while we caught up was great. Afterwards I went home and talked to a dear friend online for a little bit and watched movies with my roommate. I went to bed and slept soundly for the first time in forever. I woke up early and alert and got ready to go to the Temple in Oakland
Conference was pretty much amazing. After the choir practiced our songs I went to visit with the missionaries while we waited for choir to start. As I was standing with them the General Authorities came out of the Stake Presidents office and shook every ones hands. I shook hands with Elder Packer, our area 70, Elder Ardern from the 1st quorum of the 70 (who is from New Zealand
The choir started the conference by singing Teach me to walk in the Light, accompanied by a small children's quartet.
Our stake president, President Bingham was the first speaker. Several weeks ago I had been talking to my father about how I felt that I would not receive the blessings the Lord had promised me because I had screwed up in my past. He assured me that the Lord always keeps his promises as long as we are being righteous. President Bingham talked about how we should strive to be consecrated members of the Lord's church, not just active members. Then he said, It is never too late to become what you should have been. I felt peace at that statement, I didn't need to worry about my past, I could still become the woman I wanted to be as a young girl.
Elder Ardern spoke next. He talked about his lovely wife. He spoke about dating her when he was a teenager and when he was talking about marriage, she spoke of missions. He encouraged us to become the missionaries the Lord expects us to be. He especially encouraged young women to encourage the young men in their lives just as his wife had for him. He talked about the example she set of daily scripture study and prayer and how blessed his family was for her example. He talked of marriage and that successful marriages take work. He said, "young women, one day a young man will ask you to marry him. You might think it will never happen, it will." I was thinking of my sister at this point, knowing that she needed to hear this as she has been feeling somewhat discouraged lately. She told me later that night that when he said those words he was looking right at her.
Elder Packer spoke, and he also talked of his wife and how she set the example in his home. He talked about families that had amazing missionary experiences and that the reason they had such wonderful experiences is because they prayed daily to have those experiences. He encouraged us to do the same thing.
Then President Bingham put some people on the spot. He asked three women to come and bare their testimonies. One was a grandma, one was 40-50 something and one was a teenager. they were all humbled and honored to be able to bear their testimonies. The teenager said something that really struck me. She said - The Lord will always find a way for you.
We stood as a congregation and sang, Now let us Rejoice.
Then Sister Andersen got up to speak. She gave a really good talk but it was something that happened just before she spoke that really touched me. Sister Andersen is a very petite lady, she reminds me of a delicate tiny bird. Elder Andersen walked with her to the pulpit and adjusted the microphone for her. It was a little thing, she could have done it for herself, but the look on his face as he did it showed how much he truly loved his wife. The love in his face told me that she is the thing he treasures the most in this world. She spoke of a time when her children were young, about 25 years ago. I believe she said they had 5 kids. She had just received the conference issue of the issue and wanted each child to have their own copy of the talks to read. 15 talks multiplied by the number in her family quickly added up. When she went to pay she was told that the total was $50. She had a brief moment of her heart plummeting at the thought of so much money. Then she had a moment of quiet inspiration, the Spirit asked, "what is it worth to you to have the words of God's prophets for you and your family?" That sentence touched me and I realized, as she had, that there is no price to great. The words of the prophets lead to happiness and eternal life.
Elder Andersen then got up to speak. He is not very tall, about 5'7" max, but the spiritual stature was obvious. He spoke of being an instrument in the Lord's hands. He told a story of a farmer and his neighbor. The neighbor worked on his farm everyday of the week. The farmer took Sundays off to go to church and do other things to keep the Sabbath day holy. The neighbor asked him why he did that and the farmer replied that the Lord would bless him for keeping the commandments. October came and the two men were talking at the fence. The neighbor pointed out that his crop was beautiful and full and that the farmers showed the signs of it's weekly neglect. He then asked where the Lord's blessings were. the farmer thought a moment and then looked at his neighbor and said, "friend, the Lord does not balance his books in October." This was another reminder to me of the promises the Lord has made to me. Elder Andersen asked us to be sensitive to the feelings we feel, the whisperings of the Spirit. He said never delay a prompting. He said that the Lord would bless our every effort. As I was thinking about the promptings I have received and how would I ever be able to do them, I must confess I didn't really listen to Elder Andersen. My mind was caught up in the promptings I had received and my private fears. Suddenly Elder Andersen's voice cut through the fog in my mind with power and great authority, "Be not afraid, only believe!" Wow, I sat up straight. I know he didn't say that any differently than the rest of his talk because no one else jumped to attention like I did. I knew that that sentence had been meant for me.
So the personalized message I got from the conference was, "Don't delay promptings, be not afraid, only believe, the Lord will find a way for you."
The choir closed by singing I know that my Redeemer Lives. Singing my testimony in a packed building with the servants of the Lord I was very touched and almost cried.
Afterwards they greeted the people and took time for each child. They shook my daughter's hand, asked her name and talked to her for a little bit. The Lord has said that we must become as little children, and these men showed great respect and love to the little children.
We went to my parents house and had lunch with the Elders and then went to a baptism. I sang there as well, it was much more intimate with just over a dozen people there. It was actually more nerve wracking for me, don't ask why. It was humbling and a very tender spirit was there. I was very pleased that my step-son went to it and actually ended up translating for a man that didn't speak spanish.
Some other spiritual but personal things happened that evening. Showing me that even in the little things the Lord is aware of me.
Now back to Michael, he is a large imposing man. He is over 6 feet tall and at least 300 pounds. He was raised in the church but got into trouble and was excommunicated. He was recently re-baptized. He has been in jail and has that swagger that says don't mess with me. Trust me, if you are in a fight you really want to be on his side. His daughter is a little older than my daughter and we go over every Monday night and have Family Home Evening with him, his wife and daughter. I usually do the lesson but he wanted to this time. He started out by talking about conference and asking us what our favorite talks were. The girls didn't say much, but I talked about the above mentioned things and his wife talked about her favorite parts. He then told us of his experience. He had been out in the hall when President Bingham asked him to come into the office. Elder Packer asked him his name and then invited him to be the security for Elder Andersen. He said yes and was then introduced to Elder Andersen. He told us that when he touched his hand he got such a strong impression from the spirit, letting him know that this was an apostle of the Lord, chosen by God. He told them that if it was necessary he would die for them. He talked about how he walked around the building just making sure everything was ok. Once conference was over he was once again right at Elder Andersens side. He was witness to some things that truly touched him. Especially how they all took time for the children, just as the Savior had. One child in particular, a little girl from our congregation has had many health issues and she is back in a wheelchair due to issues with her legs. Michael told us that Elder Andersen got on his hands and knees to talk to this little girl. He then took her into the stake president's office where she received a priesthood blessing from an Apostle of the Lord. He wasn't in there for the blessing as he was standing at the door making sure that they weren't interrupted, but he said he felt the Spirit so strongly he couldn't help but cry. Telling us the story his voice got hushed with emotion and he began to cry again. To see this giant bear of a man moved was again very humbling.
As I thought about his testimony and the strong impressions he got from just a handshake, I wondered why I hadn't gotten such an impression when I met Elder Andersen. As I was pondering this, a sweet gentle thought came into my mind, "You didn't get that impression because you already knew. Your questions were not about if, they were about how. And you cannot deny that the impressions you got in response to those questions were just as strong and poignant." The Lord truly does know us and what we need, what our secret prayers and hurts are. He had an answer for everyone that went to conference with a sincere heart and in humility. I want to close my blog the same way we closed conference. I know that my Redeemer lives. I know He knows me personally. I know He loves me!
I know that my Redeemer lives;
What comfort this sweet sentence gives!
He lives, He lives, who once was dead;
He lives, my ever living Head.
He lives to bless me with His love,
He lives to plead for me above.
He lives my hungry soul to feed,
He lives to help in time of need.
He lives to grant me rich supply,
He lives to guide me with His eye,
He lives to comfort me when faint,
He lives to hear my soul’s complaint.
He lives to silence all my fears,
He lives to wipe away my tears
He lives to calm my troubled heart,
He lives all blessings to impart.
He lives, my kind, wise, heavenly Friend,
He lives and loves me to the end;
He lives, and while He lives, I’ll sing;
He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King.
He lives and grants me daily breath;
He lives, and I shall conquer death:
He lives my mansion to prepare;
He lives to bring me safely there.
He lives, all glory to His Name!
He lives, my Jesus, still the same.
Oh, the sweet joy this sentence gives,
I know that my Redeemer lives
What comfort this sweet sentence gives!
He lives, He lives, who once was dead;
He lives, my ever living Head.
He lives to bless me with His love,
He lives to plead for me above.
He lives my hungry soul to feed,
He lives to help in time of need.
He lives to grant me rich supply,
He lives to guide me with His eye,
He lives to comfort me when faint,
He lives to hear my soul’s complaint.
He lives to silence all my fears,
He lives to wipe away my tears
He lives to calm my troubled heart,
He lives all blessings to impart.
He lives, my kind, wise, heavenly Friend,
He lives and loves me to the end;
He lives, and while He lives, I’ll sing;
He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King.
He lives and grants me daily breath;
He lives, and I shall conquer death:
He lives my mansion to prepare;
He lives to bring me safely there.
He lives, all glory to His Name!
He lives, my Jesus, still the same.
Oh, the sweet joy this sentence gives,
I know that my Redeemer lives
Thursday, May 5, 2011
True Love
John 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
Love - Webster's Dictionary describes it like this (1) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests. I personally prefer this definition : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.
Love is a word that is so easily thrown around. "I love those shoes", "I love chocolate", " I love Stefan Salvatore (Vampire for those not in the know)" Yes I have actually said all three of those sentences, the first two multiple times. But would I give my life for those things? Well some of my friends say that I risk my life every time I wear my stilettos, but that's not what I mean. Chocolate, no, I wouldn't die for chocolate. And a fictional character, no matter how cute the actor, isn't enough to make me offer my life.
There are certain people that I would be willing to die for, my daughter pops into my mind as the topmost person.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
I think of these two scriptures together and a new definition of love comes to my mind, an eternal meaning. The topical guide has as some of it's meanings: compassion, mercy of God. The first scripture talks about laying down ones life for friends. Jesus Christ laid down his life for every single person ever born, or that ever will be born. That means that no one else that has ever lived here loves us more. It also means that He considers all of us his friends. That brings an interesting question to my mind, What kind of friend have we been to Jesus? Have we praised him as we should, or have we talked about him behind his back? Have we offered all that we can for him as we would our other friends? It goes beyond how we treat our friends though. How do we treat strangers? Are we kind, are we charitable to others in "lower" situations? Do we help those who are difficult to love?
Matthew 25:40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
I look at the two men who love us more than we can comprehend. God gave his son that we might have life more abundantly. Allowing our hearts to love opens us up to pain, as a mom I can tell you that no pain is greater than seeing your child suffer. My heart was torn to shreds recently, my daughter was being bullied at school. I felt angry, somewhat helpless and so much pain to see her little heart being broken. I can't even begin to imagine what our Heavenly Father went through as he watched His Beloved and Perfect Son go through all He went through so that we could be saved. Even knowing what must happen I am certain that God wasn't fully prepared for the pain He would feel at watching his children hurt and kill his Only Begotten. I am grateful to both of them for going through what they went through, for showing me what true love looks like.
I strive to love others that way, I know I fail, I am not perfect, but fortunately I have a forgiving Savior who helps me back onto the path of true discipleship, the path of true love. I try to remember that the people that are hard to love are still children of our Heavenly Father, that Jesus died for them just as He died for me.
I invite you to accept this gift of Love that Christ has offered to us. Learn of Him, for He is mighty to save. If you don't know how or where to start just ask me, I would be more than happy to help you.
Love - Webster's Dictionary describes it like this (1) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests. I personally prefer this definition : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.
Love is a word that is so easily thrown around. "I love those shoes", "I love chocolate", " I love Stefan Salvatore (Vampire for those not in the know)" Yes I have actually said all three of those sentences, the first two multiple times. But would I give my life for those things? Well some of my friends say that I risk my life every time I wear my stilettos, but that's not what I mean. Chocolate, no, I wouldn't die for chocolate. And a fictional character, no matter how cute the actor, isn't enough to make me offer my life.
There are certain people that I would be willing to die for, my daughter pops into my mind as the topmost person.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
I think of these two scriptures together and a new definition of love comes to my mind, an eternal meaning. The topical guide has as some of it's meanings: compassion, mercy of God. The first scripture talks about laying down ones life for friends. Jesus Christ laid down his life for every single person ever born, or that ever will be born. That means that no one else that has ever lived here loves us more. It also means that He considers all of us his friends. That brings an interesting question to my mind, What kind of friend have we been to Jesus? Have we praised him as we should, or have we talked about him behind his back? Have we offered all that we can for him as we would our other friends? It goes beyond how we treat our friends though. How do we treat strangers? Are we kind, are we charitable to others in "lower" situations? Do we help those who are difficult to love?
Matthew 25:40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
I look at the two men who love us more than we can comprehend. God gave his son that we might have life more abundantly. Allowing our hearts to love opens us up to pain, as a mom I can tell you that no pain is greater than seeing your child suffer. My heart was torn to shreds recently, my daughter was being bullied at school. I felt angry, somewhat helpless and so much pain to see her little heart being broken. I can't even begin to imagine what our Heavenly Father went through as he watched His Beloved and Perfect Son go through all He went through so that we could be saved. Even knowing what must happen I am certain that God wasn't fully prepared for the pain He would feel at watching his children hurt and kill his Only Begotten. I am grateful to both of them for going through what they went through, for showing me what true love looks like.
I strive to love others that way, I know I fail, I am not perfect, but fortunately I have a forgiving Savior who helps me back onto the path of true discipleship, the path of true love. I try to remember that the people that are hard to love are still children of our Heavenly Father, that Jesus died for them just as He died for me.
I invite you to accept this gift of Love that Christ has offered to us. Learn of Him, for He is mighty to save. If you don't know how or where to start just ask me, I would be more than happy to help you.
John 15:15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Off to the rescue He hastens - or - my crazy weekend
I had plans this weekend, things to do.
God had other plans for me.
It actually started Thursday night. I was having the missionaries over for dinner that night. I made chicken spaghetti (a really amazing food that if you are ever in my area I would be happy to make for you :D). I was looking at my daughters head and she had a little bug crawling across it. I took it off and killed it and didn't think anything of it since she plays outside all the time, and she had fallen earlier that day. Dinner went well, the Elders had to leave shortly after dinner because they had an appointment, but the sisters said they could stay for a little bit. As we were talking Sister Martinez asked me what was bothering me. As I told her my struggles with being a single mom all the stresses of my life started coming out of my mouth. A floodgate had been opened and I couldn't shut it off. I poured out my soul to these very dear women. They canceled their next appointment and I told them they shouldn't because their appointment was with someone who wasn't a member of the church. They told me in no uncertain terms that I needed them more at that moment. While they were all still there I got texts from two girlfriends. One needed to stay the night on my couch and the other needed to confess that she was making out with a guy that wasn't her boyfriend. To the first friend I said come over and to the second I counseled as best as I could.
When my friend got to my house there was so much drama, her ex was trying to tell me what I could and couldn't do and she was stressing because he had made their life really hard and now she has to move. As she was in my room putting our girls to bed I started to feel a twinge of regret. I had my own issues that I was dealing with and this kind of drama wasn't what I wanted. Of course that sweet still voice whispered, but where else would she go? and I knew as difficult as it would be I had to be there for her. The Sisters eventually left and the girls fell asleep and my friend and I talked. Having just had the chance to empty my burdened soul I was able to listen to her problems without feeling too overwhelmed. I went to bed later than I wanted to, but I felt good about helping a friend in need. The next morning we quietly woke up her girls and got them ready to go. They had to leave super early so my friend could get to work. Later I woke up my daughter, who threw a fit that her friends weren't there anymore and that she hadn't been able to say goodbye. One meltdown led to another meltdown, ending with her saying that I don't love her. It was too much. I walked out the door and into the kitchen and sat at the table crying and praying for the next ten minutes. I told the Lord that I couldn't do anymore, I had reached my end. My daughter came out of the bedroom and was a little distraught to see me crying. I took her to school and went to work. While I was at work I got the feeling that I should look up lice and see what they look like. What do you know, the bug walking across my daughters head hadn't been a random bug, but a louse. Maybe, I hoped, maybe some other kid at school has it and it was just one bug. I went to pick her up and she was scratching her head so I started looking really closely at her hair. Sure enough, she had a bunch. So I had to text her friends mom, they were going to have a sleep over and I was going to have a free weekend. The mom texted me back asking if she had ever had lice before. I said no. I went to target and spent the last of the money I had on treatment and a little food. I sat in the car outside of Target almost ready to cry, praying in my heart that I really was at the end of my rope. I had faithfully paid my tithing but now I had no money to get shampoo for me or put gas in my car and I still needed to go to Rohnert Park three times before my next payday. Wednesday has never seemed so far away. As I was contemplating how I would make it through my friend texted me and asked me to call her house. Her husband answered and started talking to me about treatment and such. I said that I had already purchased a kit and was actually sitting in the Target parking lot. He told me that I should probably do my hair too. I responded that I knew that but I had no money to get it. He asked me if I needed money and I started to cry, not 5 minutes early I had been praying to be able to get through the weekend and be able to do all the things I needed to do. I humbly and gratefully said yes and went to their house. he gave me an envelope and asked me if it was enough. I said yes to which he commented that I hadn't even looked in the envelope. I replied that over the phone we had agreed to 40, he wrote in the dust on the door that he had given me 60. I went home thinking that I would have to do some laundry but not all of it because I had just done laundry. I was deflated when I got home and realized that as I was folding the laundry, I had set it on my bed, near my pillows. I would have to do it all over again.
As I was treating my daughters hair my sister called me and asked me what I was doing. I told her and she said oh too bad I wanted to do something. I asked her if she wanted to come do laundry with me. She said no, that she still needed to eat. I said me too and just like that my sister was taking me to Applebee's for dinner. I told her my whole sad story and she offered to help with picking up Brandon for church. I went home and was up until 3 in the morning doing laundry and I still had some to do but I was exhausted and needed to go to bed.
I got woken up at 9:30 by the sisters texting me. Good timing since I had to get stuff ready for them to come over at 11. I went to Rohnert Park and picked up Brandon and brought him back to my house. The Elders and the Sisters showed up and started working on my yard while I finished up laundry and made lunch. Sister Martinez sat with Sofia and patiently combed through all of her hair. Sofia is very sensitive and cries easily so it was not an easy task. Elder Manciati mowed the lawn, for the first time in his life, so to kept herself distracted Sofia made up stories with Elder Manciati as the hero with a lawn mower. He chopped off an evil witch's head freeing people who had been enslaved for 18 years. It was a very familial type scene, looking out the window at my children and people I love and for some reason I was filled with a sense of hopelessness and despair. At that moment Sister Martinez caught a tangle in Sofia's hair and she started howling. Both sisters were trying to calm her down but to no avail. I heard Elder Manciati tell her "Look Sofia, I got you a lady bug." It was a small thing, but it got her to stop crying and almost made me start. He came in and talked to me for a little bit. I don't remember what we talked about, it wasn't super important, but it gave me the distraction I needed to get passed the low feelings I was having. We sat on the floor eating homemade teriyaki burgers and talking. The sisters finished lunch first and washed my dishes. That evening Brandon went with the Elders and I went with the sisters to do lessons. It was a wonderful experience.
Sunday was pretty non-eventful. The sisters came over and helped me clean and combed Sofia's hair again.
Monday was a day. I was supposed to go to the Keelers for FHE. Work was hectic, there is a lot going on there. I am feeling stressed out with that too. The Elders texted me and asked if I could go with them to do a lesson. I wanted to wash Sofia's hair again so I canceled with the Keelers and agreed to meet the Elders at the Hernandez family house. We were supposed to meet at 6 and we got there at 5:50. Sofia and I sat in the car eating Taco Bell when a neighbor came out to smoke a cigarette. He walked over and asked me if I had a spare. I asked him what he meant. He pointed out that my front tire was flat. The Elders came out and helped fixed my tire. My spare was flat too, but Brother Hernandez had an air compressor. My dad happened to be driving by and he stopped to help out. He pointed out that my other front tire would need to be replaced as well. Add to my stress, money is tight anyhow without adding $200 for new tires. The Elders went on to their appointment and the sisters followed me to my house. They helped me finish up cleaning and combed Sofia's hair again. Sister Martinez then combed through my hair. Sofia got into bed and Sister Martinez sang her a lullaby. As we were in my room, Sister Hernandez called me to see if I knew where the sisters were. I said they were still at my house and she said that they had forgotten their phone at her house. The sisters asked me if I could text the Elders and ask them to pick up the phone. Sister Martinez found some bugs in my hair and I started to cry a little. The Elders called me to ask how I knew that the Sisters phone was at the Hernandez house. I explained that they were still at my house and that the Hernandez's had called me. They said they were leaving an appointment and I said the Sisters were almost done and so they should be able to go get their phone. Just then Sister Martinez said, do you want them to give you a blessing? I hadn't thought of it, and realizing that I was in such a state that people realized that I needed a blessing caused me to lose it completely. I couldn't even talk anymore, I was crying too hard. Sister Leyton took my phone and asked the Elders to pick up the phone and that I needed a blessing. We went outside to wait for them. They pulled up and so did my dad. I asked what he was there for, and he said that the Elders had stopped by and said I needed a blessing. Again I was touched by their thoughtfulness. Elder Manciati gave me the blessing and Sister Martinez wrote it down. Some of the things that were said were very touching to me. One of the most poignant things was the fact that I always misquote 1 Nephi 21:16 It says Behold, I have graven thee upon the apalms of my hands; but I always say engraven. In fact I just recently did a blog titled that. When Elder Manciati said the blessing he said "The Lord has not forgotten you, you are engraven in the palms of his hands and in his feet." The reason it touched me so much is that I know Elder Manciati knows the scripture, Sister Martinez wrote it correctly and even put the reference in the notes she was taking. I know the Lord knows the scripture, He said it originally. But He knew that what I needed at that time was to have a sign that He really is aware of me. It was a little thing, to just stick an "en" in front of a word, but it was enough to let me know that He knows me. Elder Manciati also reminded me that "there are many people around me that love me and care deeply for me." After the blessing I felt much calmer and loved.
I had to spend $200 to get my tires replaced and again felt the pinch of being a single mom. I was thinking about the fact that I wouldn't have any money until the next payday. Again the Lord showed me that He is aware of me. On payday I saw that I had enough money to pay all my bills and still buy groceries, it would be tight but we would make it.
I felt very strongly like the Lord was telling me "I can't take your trial away from you, but I can give you the things you need to get through it."
Now there is a saying, "Not all who wander are lost". I thought of a different thing to say, "Not all who need rescuing are lost" The Good Shepard hastens to the rescue of all. Sometimes that rescue is searching for a lost lamb, but sometimes it is protecting the sheep from a wolf. And in my case, it was rescuing a lamb from a hidden hole in the field. He sent people to show me that I am not alone, that I don't need to try to do everything on my own. Angels sometimes come in the form of dear friends. Friends willing to comb through hair looking for nasty bug, friends willing to comfort and cheer, friends that will do anything for the ones they love. This past week and a half the Lord has shown me that I have true friends.
God had other plans for me.
It actually started Thursday night. I was having the missionaries over for dinner that night. I made chicken spaghetti (a really amazing food that if you are ever in my area I would be happy to make for you :D). I was looking at my daughters head and she had a little bug crawling across it. I took it off and killed it and didn't think anything of it since she plays outside all the time, and she had fallen earlier that day. Dinner went well, the Elders had to leave shortly after dinner because they had an appointment, but the sisters said they could stay for a little bit. As we were talking Sister Martinez asked me what was bothering me. As I told her my struggles with being a single mom all the stresses of my life started coming out of my mouth. A floodgate had been opened and I couldn't shut it off. I poured out my soul to these very dear women. They canceled their next appointment and I told them they shouldn't because their appointment was with someone who wasn't a member of the church. They told me in no uncertain terms that I needed them more at that moment. While they were all still there I got texts from two girlfriends. One needed to stay the night on my couch and the other needed to confess that she was making out with a guy that wasn't her boyfriend. To the first friend I said come over and to the second I counseled as best as I could.
When my friend got to my house there was so much drama, her ex was trying to tell me what I could and couldn't do and she was stressing because he had made their life really hard and now she has to move. As she was in my room putting our girls to bed I started to feel a twinge of regret. I had my own issues that I was dealing with and this kind of drama wasn't what I wanted. Of course that sweet still voice whispered, but where else would she go? and I knew as difficult as it would be I had to be there for her. The Sisters eventually left and the girls fell asleep and my friend and I talked. Having just had the chance to empty my burdened soul I was able to listen to her problems without feeling too overwhelmed. I went to bed later than I wanted to, but I felt good about helping a friend in need. The next morning we quietly woke up her girls and got them ready to go. They had to leave super early so my friend could get to work. Later I woke up my daughter, who threw a fit that her friends weren't there anymore and that she hadn't been able to say goodbye. One meltdown led to another meltdown, ending with her saying that I don't love her. It was too much. I walked out the door and into the kitchen and sat at the table crying and praying for the next ten minutes. I told the Lord that I couldn't do anymore, I had reached my end. My daughter came out of the bedroom and was a little distraught to see me crying. I took her to school and went to work. While I was at work I got the feeling that I should look up lice and see what they look like. What do you know, the bug walking across my daughters head hadn't been a random bug, but a louse. Maybe, I hoped, maybe some other kid at school has it and it was just one bug. I went to pick her up and she was scratching her head so I started looking really closely at her hair. Sure enough, she had a bunch. So I had to text her friends mom, they were going to have a sleep over and I was going to have a free weekend. The mom texted me back asking if she had ever had lice before. I said no. I went to target and spent the last of the money I had on treatment and a little food. I sat in the car outside of Target almost ready to cry, praying in my heart that I really was at the end of my rope. I had faithfully paid my tithing but now I had no money to get shampoo for me or put gas in my car and I still needed to go to Rohnert Park three times before my next payday. Wednesday has never seemed so far away. As I was contemplating how I would make it through my friend texted me and asked me to call her house. Her husband answered and started talking to me about treatment and such. I said that I had already purchased a kit and was actually sitting in the Target parking lot. He told me that I should probably do my hair too. I responded that I knew that but I had no money to get it. He asked me if I needed money and I started to cry, not 5 minutes early I had been praying to be able to get through the weekend and be able to do all the things I needed to do. I humbly and gratefully said yes and went to their house. he gave me an envelope and asked me if it was enough. I said yes to which he commented that I hadn't even looked in the envelope. I replied that over the phone we had agreed to 40, he wrote in the dust on the door that he had given me 60. I went home thinking that I would have to do some laundry but not all of it because I had just done laundry. I was deflated when I got home and realized that as I was folding the laundry, I had set it on my bed, near my pillows. I would have to do it all over again.
As I was treating my daughters hair my sister called me and asked me what I was doing. I told her and she said oh too bad I wanted to do something. I asked her if she wanted to come do laundry with me. She said no, that she still needed to eat. I said me too and just like that my sister was taking me to Applebee's for dinner. I told her my whole sad story and she offered to help with picking up Brandon for church. I went home and was up until 3 in the morning doing laundry and I still had some to do but I was exhausted and needed to go to bed.
I got woken up at 9:30 by the sisters texting me. Good timing since I had to get stuff ready for them to come over at 11. I went to Rohnert Park and picked up Brandon and brought him back to my house. The Elders and the Sisters showed up and started working on my yard while I finished up laundry and made lunch. Sister Martinez sat with Sofia and patiently combed through all of her hair. Sofia is very sensitive and cries easily so it was not an easy task. Elder Manciati mowed the lawn, for the first time in his life, so to kept herself distracted Sofia made up stories with Elder Manciati as the hero with a lawn mower. He chopped off an evil witch's head freeing people who had been enslaved for 18 years. It was a very familial type scene, looking out the window at my children and people I love and for some reason I was filled with a sense of hopelessness and despair. At that moment Sister Martinez caught a tangle in Sofia's hair and she started howling. Both sisters were trying to calm her down but to no avail. I heard Elder Manciati tell her "Look Sofia, I got you a lady bug." It was a small thing, but it got her to stop crying and almost made me start. He came in and talked to me for a little bit. I don't remember what we talked about, it wasn't super important, but it gave me the distraction I needed to get passed the low feelings I was having. We sat on the floor eating homemade teriyaki burgers and talking. The sisters finished lunch first and washed my dishes. That evening Brandon went with the Elders and I went with the sisters to do lessons. It was a wonderful experience.
Sunday was pretty non-eventful. The sisters came over and helped me clean and combed Sofia's hair again.
Monday was a day. I was supposed to go to the Keelers for FHE. Work was hectic, there is a lot going on there. I am feeling stressed out with that too. The Elders texted me and asked if I could go with them to do a lesson. I wanted to wash Sofia's hair again so I canceled with the Keelers and agreed to meet the Elders at the Hernandez family house. We were supposed to meet at 6 and we got there at 5:50. Sofia and I sat in the car eating Taco Bell when a neighbor came out to smoke a cigarette. He walked over and asked me if I had a spare. I asked him what he meant. He pointed out that my front tire was flat. The Elders came out and helped fixed my tire. My spare was flat too, but Brother Hernandez had an air compressor. My dad happened to be driving by and he stopped to help out. He pointed out that my other front tire would need to be replaced as well. Add to my stress, money is tight anyhow without adding $200 for new tires. The Elders went on to their appointment and the sisters followed me to my house. They helped me finish up cleaning and combed Sofia's hair again. Sister Martinez then combed through my hair. Sofia got into bed and Sister Martinez sang her a lullaby. As we were in my room, Sister Hernandez called me to see if I knew where the sisters were. I said they were still at my house and she said that they had forgotten their phone at her house. The sisters asked me if I could text the Elders and ask them to pick up the phone. Sister Martinez found some bugs in my hair and I started to cry a little. The Elders called me to ask how I knew that the Sisters phone was at the Hernandez house. I explained that they were still at my house and that the Hernandez's had called me. They said they were leaving an appointment and I said the Sisters were almost done and so they should be able to go get their phone. Just then Sister Martinez said, do you want them to give you a blessing? I hadn't thought of it, and realizing that I was in such a state that people realized that I needed a blessing caused me to lose it completely. I couldn't even talk anymore, I was crying too hard. Sister Leyton took my phone and asked the Elders to pick up the phone and that I needed a blessing. We went outside to wait for them. They pulled up and so did my dad. I asked what he was there for, and he said that the Elders had stopped by and said I needed a blessing. Again I was touched by their thoughtfulness. Elder Manciati gave me the blessing and Sister Martinez wrote it down. Some of the things that were said were very touching to me. One of the most poignant things was the fact that I always misquote 1 Nephi 21:16 It says Behold, I have graven thee upon the apalms of my hands; but I always say engraven. In fact I just recently did a blog titled that. When Elder Manciati said the blessing he said "The Lord has not forgotten you, you are engraven in the palms of his hands and in his feet." The reason it touched me so much is that I know Elder Manciati knows the scripture, Sister Martinez wrote it correctly and even put the reference in the notes she was taking. I know the Lord knows the scripture, He said it originally. But He knew that what I needed at that time was to have a sign that He really is aware of me. It was a little thing, to just stick an "en" in front of a word, but it was enough to let me know that He knows me. Elder Manciati also reminded me that "there are many people around me that love me and care deeply for me." After the blessing I felt much calmer and loved.
I had to spend $200 to get my tires replaced and again felt the pinch of being a single mom. I was thinking about the fact that I wouldn't have any money until the next payday. Again the Lord showed me that He is aware of me. On payday I saw that I had enough money to pay all my bills and still buy groceries, it would be tight but we would make it.
I felt very strongly like the Lord was telling me "I can't take your trial away from you, but I can give you the things you need to get through it."
Now there is a saying, "Not all who wander are lost". I thought of a different thing to say, "Not all who need rescuing are lost" The Good Shepard hastens to the rescue of all. Sometimes that rescue is searching for a lost lamb, but sometimes it is protecting the sheep from a wolf. And in my case, it was rescuing a lamb from a hidden hole in the field. He sent people to show me that I am not alone, that I don't need to try to do everything on my own. Angels sometimes come in the form of dear friends. Friends willing to comb through hair looking for nasty bug, friends willing to comfort and cheer, friends that will do anything for the ones they love. This past week and a half the Lord has shown me that I have true friends.
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