Easter is coming up again. I love this time of year, not just because of the candy :) The earth starts to revive from it's cold hibernation, flowers start to bloom, baby animals start showing up. Life renews.
It is also the greatest day in the Christian world. Sure Christmas is great, but without the atonement crucifixion and resurrection, it would only be a day that a great teacher was born. Easter gives Christmas it's true value.
I want to share a very personal story and tie it into Easter.
When I was in my very early 20's I quit my job to study full time. I also got involved with a guy. I ended up jobless, single and pregnant. I had to quit school because I couldn't keep up. I was stressed out about what I was going to do. I ended up working with LDS Family Services and getting a counselor. They talked to me, never pressuring me to decide, about keeping the baby or placing the baby for adoption. For most of the pregnancy I thought I would keep the baby. I was still looking at adoptive parents but no one stood out to me. Finally a week before my due date I found the couple that seemed like the right couple. I met with them and left the meeting filled with the Spirit of God, knowing that these were the people that would raise my precious daughter. Two weeks later the stubborn little angel had still not made her appearance. I eventually went into the hospital to be induced. 20 hours later things were not going the way they should. Alarms kept going off and I felt terrible, I know labor is not fun in and of itself but I was hit by waves of intense nausea. My doctor came in, a little nervous and explained that I was only dilated to a 2 (need to be 10) and that the baby was in distress and we needed to do an emergency c-section. My brother and my dad gave me a blessing that all would be well and I went into the room. As they preformed the operation, they were able to see the problem. Somehow, she had gotten all tangled up in the cord. Wrapped tightly, she was being squeezed with every contraction, no wonder she was in distress. She had to be placed in the infant ICU in an oxygen helmet.
My incision got infected and both of us ended up being in the hospital for a week. I spent as much time with her as I could and there were times when I thought to myself "I can do this". But in the quiet of the night, when my family was gone and the nurses were not checking on me every couple of hours I realized that I if it was hard but do-able with professional people helping me round the clock, it would be even harder doing it on my own. I finally decided that yes, the family I met from LA would be the perfect people and a week later she was in their arms. She looks like her mom, and actually has hereditary traits from that family.
Now as to what this has to do with Easter - Several months after she was born I was missing her and wondering what she would look like when she was grown, wondering if she would appreciate the sacrifice I made for her to have a good life. I had a dream that I was at a conference where my favorite church leader was speaking and he asked me what was wrong. I told him that I felt like God had forgotten me and that I wasn't important to anyone. He asked me if I loved Reagan and I said of course. He then asked me if I could forget about her. I said I couldn't, I had the scars of her birth engraven on my body, and the emotional scars of giving her to God on my soul. He smiled at me and said, the Savior has engraven your name in His palms, He will never forget you or abandon you. I woke up feeling warmth and love, but to make sure I got the point the morning I woke up from that dream I ran into that very leader (who is from Utah) at church (in Santa Rosa, CA) and he put his hand on my arm, looked into my eyes and said "Thank you for coming today, I am glad you are here."
Giving up my child was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, there were times I asked God to let me keep her. I did it out of love, knowing that it gave her the things she needed to live an abundant life.
Our Savior did the hardest thing anyone has done, ever! He paid the price for sins, he took on our pains and sorrows. Alma 7:11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
He understand perfectly my pain, both physical and emotional.
He plead with His Father to not drink that bitter cup, but in the end He fulfilled his Father's will.
He did what He did out of love for us, that we might live life more abundantly.
My experience helps me understand the importance of the Atonement and helps me appreciate all that my Savior did for me. I know that He suffered greatly for me because He loves me.
I am grateful to know that I am purchased at infinite cost, and that my name is engraven in the palms of His hands.
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