I had plans this weekend, things to do.
God had other plans for me.
It actually started Thursday night. I was having the missionaries over for dinner that night. I made chicken spaghetti (a really amazing food that if you are ever in my area I would be happy to make for you :D). I was looking at my daughters head and she had a little bug crawling across it. I took it off and killed it and didn't think anything of it since she plays outside all the time, and she had fallen earlier that day. Dinner went well, the Elders had to leave shortly after dinner because they had an appointment, but the sisters said they could stay for a little bit. As we were talking Sister Martinez asked me what was bothering me. As I told her my struggles with being a single mom all the stresses of my life started coming out of my mouth. A floodgate had been opened and I couldn't shut it off. I poured out my soul to these very dear women. They canceled their next appointment and I told them they shouldn't because their appointment was with someone who wasn't a member of the church. They told me in no uncertain terms that I needed them more at that moment. While they were all still there I got texts from two girlfriends. One needed to stay the night on my couch and the other needed to confess that she was making out with a guy that wasn't her boyfriend. To the first friend I said come over and to the second I counseled as best as I could.
When my friend got to my house there was so much drama, her ex was trying to tell me what I could and couldn't do and she was stressing because he had made their life really hard and now she has to move. As she was in my room putting our girls to bed I started to feel a twinge of regret. I had my own issues that I was dealing with and this kind of drama wasn't what I wanted. Of course that sweet still voice whispered, but where else would she go? and I knew as difficult as it would be I had to be there for her. The Sisters eventually left and the girls fell asleep and my friend and I talked. Having just had the chance to empty my burdened soul I was able to listen to her problems without feeling too overwhelmed. I went to bed later than I wanted to, but I felt good about helping a friend in need. The next morning we quietly woke up her girls and got them ready to go. They had to leave super early so my friend could get to work. Later I woke up my daughter, who threw a fit that her friends weren't there anymore and that she hadn't been able to say goodbye. One meltdown led to another meltdown, ending with her saying that I don't love her. It was too much. I walked out the door and into the kitchen and sat at the table crying and praying for the next ten minutes. I told the Lord that I couldn't do anymore, I had reached my end. My daughter came out of the bedroom and was a little distraught to see me crying. I took her to school and went to work. While I was at work I got the feeling that I should look up lice and see what they look like. What do you know, the bug walking across my daughters head hadn't been a random bug, but a louse. Maybe, I hoped, maybe some other kid at school has it and it was just one bug. I went to pick her up and she was scratching her head so I started looking really closely at her hair. Sure enough, she had a bunch. So I had to text her friends mom, they were going to have a sleep over and I was going to have a free weekend. The mom texted me back asking if she had ever had lice before. I said no. I went to target and spent the last of the money I had on treatment and a little food. I sat in the car outside of Target almost ready to cry, praying in my heart that I really was at the end of my rope. I had faithfully paid my tithing but now I had no money to get shampoo for me or put gas in my car and I still needed to go to Rohnert Park three times before my next payday. Wednesday has never seemed so far away. As I was contemplating how I would make it through my friend texted me and asked me to call her house. Her husband answered and started talking to me about treatment and such. I said that I had already purchased a kit and was actually sitting in the Target parking lot. He told me that I should probably do my hair too. I responded that I knew that but I had no money to get it. He asked me if I needed money and I started to cry, not 5 minutes early I had been praying to be able to get through the weekend and be able to do all the things I needed to do. I humbly and gratefully said yes and went to their house. he gave me an envelope and asked me if it was enough. I said yes to which he commented that I hadn't even looked in the envelope. I replied that over the phone we had agreed to 40, he wrote in the dust on the door that he had given me 60. I went home thinking that I would have to do some laundry but not all of it because I had just done laundry. I was deflated when I got home and realized that as I was folding the laundry, I had set it on my bed, near my pillows. I would have to do it all over again.
As I was treating my daughters hair my sister called me and asked me what I was doing. I told her and she said oh too bad I wanted to do something. I asked her if she wanted to come do laundry with me. She said no, that she still needed to eat. I said me too and just like that my sister was taking me to Applebee's for dinner. I told her my whole sad story and she offered to help with picking up Brandon for church. I went home and was up until 3 in the morning doing laundry and I still had some to do but I was exhausted and needed to go to bed.
I got woken up at 9:30 by the sisters texting me. Good timing since I had to get stuff ready for them to come over at 11. I went to Rohnert Park and picked up Brandon and brought him back to my house. The Elders and the Sisters showed up and started working on my yard while I finished up laundry and made lunch. Sister Martinez sat with Sofia and patiently combed through all of her hair. Sofia is very sensitive and cries easily so it was not an easy task. Elder Manciati mowed the lawn, for the first time in his life, so to kept herself distracted Sofia made up stories with Elder Manciati as the hero with a lawn mower. He chopped off an evil witch's head freeing people who had been enslaved for 18 years. It was a very familial type scene, looking out the window at my children and people I love and for some reason I was filled with a sense of hopelessness and despair. At that moment Sister Martinez caught a tangle in Sofia's hair and she started howling. Both sisters were trying to calm her down but to no avail. I heard Elder Manciati tell her "Look Sofia, I got you a lady bug." It was a small thing, but it got her to stop crying and almost made me start. He came in and talked to me for a little bit. I don't remember what we talked about, it wasn't super important, but it gave me the distraction I needed to get passed the low feelings I was having. We sat on the floor eating homemade teriyaki burgers and talking. The sisters finished lunch first and washed my dishes. That evening Brandon went with the Elders and I went with the sisters to do lessons. It was a wonderful experience.
Sunday was pretty non-eventful. The sisters came over and helped me clean and combed Sofia's hair again.
Monday was a day. I was supposed to go to the Keelers for FHE. Work was hectic, there is a lot going on there. I am feeling stressed out with that too. The Elders texted me and asked if I could go with them to do a lesson. I wanted to wash Sofia's hair again so I canceled with the Keelers and agreed to meet the Elders at the Hernandez family house. We were supposed to meet at 6 and we got there at 5:50. Sofia and I sat in the car eating Taco Bell when a neighbor came out to smoke a cigarette. He walked over and asked me if I had a spare. I asked him what he meant. He pointed out that my front tire was flat. The Elders came out and helped fixed my tire. My spare was flat too, but Brother Hernandez had an air compressor. My dad happened to be driving by and he stopped to help out. He pointed out that my other front tire would need to be replaced as well. Add to my stress, money is tight anyhow without adding $200 for new tires. The Elders went on to their appointment and the sisters followed me to my house. They helped me finish up cleaning and combed Sofia's hair again. Sister Martinez then combed through my hair. Sofia got into bed and Sister Martinez sang her a lullaby. As we were in my room, Sister Hernandez called me to see if I knew where the sisters were. I said they were still at my house and she said that they had forgotten their phone at her house. The sisters asked me if I could text the Elders and ask them to pick up the phone. Sister Martinez found some bugs in my hair and I started to cry a little. The Elders called me to ask how I knew that the Sisters phone was at the Hernandez house. I explained that they were still at my house and that the Hernandez's had called me. They said they were leaving an appointment and I said the Sisters were almost done and so they should be able to go get their phone. Just then Sister Martinez said, do you want them to give you a blessing? I hadn't thought of it, and realizing that I was in such a state that people realized that I needed a blessing caused me to lose it completely. I couldn't even talk anymore, I was crying too hard. Sister Leyton took my phone and asked the Elders to pick up the phone and that I needed a blessing. We went outside to wait for them. They pulled up and so did my dad. I asked what he was there for, and he said that the Elders had stopped by and said I needed a blessing. Again I was touched by their thoughtfulness. Elder Manciati gave me the blessing and Sister Martinez wrote it down. Some of the things that were said were very touching to me. One of the most poignant things was the fact that I always misquote 1 Nephi 21:16 It says Behold, I have graven thee upon the apalms of my hands; but I always say engraven. In fact I just recently did a blog titled that. When Elder Manciati said the blessing he said "The Lord has not forgotten you, you are engraven in the palms of his hands and in his feet." The reason it touched me so much is that I know Elder Manciati knows the scripture, Sister Martinez wrote it correctly and even put the reference in the notes she was taking. I know the Lord knows the scripture, He said it originally. But He knew that what I needed at that time was to have a sign that He really is aware of me. It was a little thing, to just stick an "en" in front of a word, but it was enough to let me know that He knows me. Elder Manciati also reminded me that "there are many people around me that love me and care deeply for me." After the blessing I felt much calmer and loved.
I had to spend $200 to get my tires replaced and again felt the pinch of being a single mom. I was thinking about the fact that I wouldn't have any money until the next payday. Again the Lord showed me that He is aware of me. On payday I saw that I had enough money to pay all my bills and still buy groceries, it would be tight but we would make it.
I felt very strongly like the Lord was telling me "I can't take your trial away from you, but I can give you the things you need to get through it."
Now there is a saying, "Not all who wander are lost". I thought of a different thing to say, "Not all who need rescuing are lost" The Good Shepard hastens to the rescue of all. Sometimes that rescue is searching for a lost lamb, but sometimes it is protecting the sheep from a wolf. And in my case, it was rescuing a lamb from a hidden hole in the field. He sent people to show me that I am not alone, that I don't need to try to do everything on my own. Angels sometimes come in the form of dear friends. Friends willing to comb through hair looking for nasty bug, friends willing to comfort and cheer, friends that will do anything for the ones they love. This past week and a half the Lord has shown me that I have true friends.
No comments:
Post a Comment