Tender Mercies

Those of you that have been reading previous posts know that this year has been a struggle for me. I have felt like God was not caring about me or what my trials were. Yesterday I took the day off of work and served lunch at the Missionary Zone Conference that was held in Santa Rosa. I cooked up two pans of pasta and rushed over to the church. As I was helping set things up groups of missionaries would walk by and say hi and thanks. Every now and again a missionary that I know but haven't seen in a while would walk past, the reaction was always the same. They would look into the gym and then their face would light up as they recognized me and they would wave. As they started coming in for lunch I got hugs (the sisters) and handshakes (the elders) from missionaries that I have worked with in past months. President Bunker introduced Lisa and asked her to introduce the rest of us. I was at the end of the line. When she got to me and said my name I saw lights go on in several faces as they recognized my name as someone who is friends with them on Facebook, or who follows their blogs. The love I felt from those I know, and the sincere gratitude from those I don't know was overwhelming. I felt like I belonged there.
I was thinking about how I used to go to institute in the middle of the week and how that gave me a spiritual boost to get through my work week. I work in a very liberal welfare program, and being a conservative christian is not easy in that kind of environment. My work schedule has changed and I am no longer able to go. As I was surrounded by missionaries, talking to them about their blogs, I realized that what I have now is better than institute. I get to read missionary blogs almost every day! I get to chat with them on a regular basis. When I am feeling at the end of my rope I can always read a blog by Elder Abbott, Elder Spendlove can always make me smile and yet ponder deep concepts too, when I feel like no one else is going through what I am going through Elder LeeMaster proves me wrong with his Testimony Tuesday, Elder Albright reminds me who is for me and who is against me, Elder Menasco has such a simple yet profound way of stating things, Elder Manciati helps me in my desires to share what I have with those around me. There are many more that I love to read, instead of a once a week spiritual lift, I get an almost daily dose of reminders. Every weekday through faithful missionaries the Lord reminds me that I am His child and that He knows my wants and needs and the trials I am going through. Sometimes He has to whack me over the head, especially when I get too deep into my "poor me" mode. Elder Polson asked me if I could go with him and Elder Manciati to visit an investigator that night. The first house we went to the person wasn't there so I followed them to another house (following Elders is an entertaining activity, possibly even an extreme sport). The lady we spoke with there was so sweet. As we talked I told her about extremely personal experiences and realized that she had gone through very similar trials. I realized that the Lord loves each of his children and by having me go through the trials I went through, He created in me a heart that would be able to connect to her heart. I am grateful for the things I went through because I can honestly tell her that the Lord will take care of it all if we trust him. Satan had been trying to get me to doubt the promises I have received from the Lord, and I must confess he was having a fairly decent amount of success in that endeavor. As I was bearing testimony to this sweet sister about the trials I had gone through, about God's promises that He fulfilled, I told her "I don't have any doubt that the Lord will fulfill all His promises, even if He has to say 'not now' at that moment. At some point the answer will be yes." As I said that the Spirit kind of, slightly, like a lot, whacked me upside the head with a spiritual 2x4. He testified to my heart and soul that what I had just spoken was truth, that I really felt that way even with Satan trying to convince me that I felt otherwise. I do not doubt my God, He has proven faithful in everything else.
Surrounded by the love and affection of the missionaries, folded in their loving arms, I felt the arms of my Savior around me. As they sang with deep gratitude "As I have loved you" I felt their love, and the Lord's love for me. "As I have loved you (for I truly, deeply love you) love one another"